Monday, June 26, 2006, 20:09
Chop-Chop
Maybe I'm just hopelessly old-fashioned. Or out of touch. Or cheap. Or all three. But I'm having a hard time figuring out why the township patrolman had to drive up and down our road four times this morning. With a backhoe. With a mower attached.
A backhoe?
What's wrong with a nice little Ford tractor or an Allis Chalmers to pull the mower?
A BACKHOE?
I mean, really, the township has more than 30 miles of road. A backhoe must not get very good gas mileage. And at $3 a gallon for gasoline. . .
And why up and down the road four times?
Twice I can see -- once to mow one side of the road and once to mow the other side.
But four times?
And why do they have to mow at all? Is long grass in the ditches really going to hurt anything?
Of course, I'm probably just disgruntled because he chopped up my black raspberries. The ones that were just starting to get ripe along the road below the mailbox. He didn't chop up all of the black raspberries because he didn't go up the dirt road. Yet. I would imagine that's coming soon. Then all the black raspberries will be gone.
The township often chops up the black raspberries before they get ripe. Not always. But too often for me.
And that's another thing, of course. Townships use boom mowers to mow, and they end up destroying all kinds of good things to eat: black raspberries, blackberries, plum trees, wild cherry trees, choke cherries, elderberries. All of the things that I like to make jelly and jam out of! (And all of the things nutritionists say are good for you but which are things that ordinary folks probably cannot afford to buy in the grocery store.)
The good news is, however, that Randy got out the seven-foot step ladder last night and picked the pin cherries at the edge of the yard. Pin cherry jelly "is to die for" -- but this is only the second time we've had pin cherries to pick in the last 11 years. Randy figured he'd better pick them before the Orioles made off with all of them. He *did* leave some cherries for the Orioles, though.
I started cooking the cherries down last night. Turned off the burner. Turned it back on this morning to finish. I think I've got just enough juice to make a batch of jelly. So I will most likely be in the jelly business this evening. I'll probably end up with 4 pints, but that's 4 pints of pin cherry jelly I didn't have before!
Cheese Curd Festival -- Here's a picture of my booth at the Ellsworth Cheese Curd Festival that Randy took on Saturday.
LeAnn R. Ralph
Sunday, June 25, 2006, 22:19
If It Weren't For Bad Luck?
The phrase, "if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all" comes to mind when I think about the Ellsworth Cheese Curd Festival on Saturday. I hate to say it -- but the cheese curd festival was like all of the other outdoor events I have gone to in recent weeks -- hardly any people there at all. So, what it boiled down to was, I paid $50 for a vendor's fee, drove 108 miles round trip, and sold 1 book.
Randy went with me, so it was nice that I had someone to talk to. Poor guy. He was bored out of his mind sitting there all day.
We packed up at 4:30 (we were supposed to be there until 5 p.m.) because one of the event organizers came around and said the weather radar indicated torrential rain within the hour. The sky was black to the west, so we decided to pack up. The festival was in a county west of here -- and it's close enough to the Twin Cities to have been getting rain all along. When the weather radar indicated torrential rain for that area -- we tended to believe the weather radar.
When we arrived home, the sky was still dark to the west, so we took care of all of the animals (horses, dogs, barn kitties) in case it started storming.
Well -- it did start storming at around 8 p.m. Not severe storms. According to weather reports, the severe storms were south of here.
But. . .
Will wonders NEVER cease?
It began to rain. And it rained. And it rained.
It rained all night.
Not a hard rain. Or a torrential rain. But just a nice, steady rain.
And the upshot is -- we got just a little over an inch of rain. We needed the rain so badly, and an inch was very, very welcome.
Now, I hope it KEEPS ON raining and doesn't go back to extremely dry in just a few days.
But that's okay. Because an inch is a start and it's more than we've had in a couple of months.
I only sold 1 book. But we got rain! Beautiful, glorious, WET rain!
Strawberry Festival -- We were going to have a Strawberry Festival July 9 to raise money for our church. But I think the Strawberry Festival is off. For one thing, the guy we were going to get strawberries from (a friend of Randy's) doesn't have any strawberries. They burned up in the heat and the lack of rain. Too bad, too, because they are DEVINE strawberries; I have never in my life tasted anything like it. So sweet, they melt in your mouth. And such a dark red rich color it almost hurts your eyes to look at them. That man has a GIFT for raising strawberries. But now we don't have a source for strawberries. Other strawberries are available, but they are not Jeff's strawberries, and they are EXPENSIVE strawberries.
We went to church this morning at the fairgrounds in town (every year, when the fair is in town, the area churches get together and hold a service at the fairgrounds). We told one of the other church council members that our Strawberry Festival was off because we didn't have any strawberries. I also told her about my experiences with the arts and crafts fairs recently and that we were afraid a Strawberry Festival would go the same way because no one seems to have any money to spend.
She looked at us and said, "I don't know when this current administration is going to wake up to the fact that people on the lower end of the scale are really starting to feel the pinch. I wonder when those people in Washington are going to realize that there's an awful lot of the country where people are hurting."
Here's my opinion: the government is going to realize there's something rotten in the state of Denmark when the lower end of the economy collapses so much that the upper level of the economy loses all of its support and falls through and crashes. That's when they will realize it.
Guidelines for Cats
My niece sent me the following "Guidelines for Cats" -- those of you who have cats will understand completely.
Doors:
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand
on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it
is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside"
door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several
things. This is particularly important during very cold weather,
rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided
at all costs.
Chairs and Rugs:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot
manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental
rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you
back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
Bathrooms:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to
do anything . . . just sit and stare.
Hampering:
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the
other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping",
otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for
"hampering":
When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of
the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better
chance of being stepped on and then picked up and
comforted.
For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes
and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the
most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the
work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze,
but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or
knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you;
ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery
and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of
what the humans may tell you.
For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on
income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in
mind the aim-to hamper! First, sit on the paper being
worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the
table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the
papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After
being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and
erasers off the table, one at a time. When a human is
holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump
on the back of the paper. They love to jump.
Walking:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in
front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have
something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up
in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
Bedtime:
Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.
Play:
This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the
daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are
listed several favorite cat games that you can play. It is
important, though, to maintain one's dignity at all times. If
you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a
chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say "I
meant to do that!" It fools those humans every time.
Cat Games:
Catch Mouse:
The humans would have you believe that those lumps under
the covers are their feet and hands. They are lying. They
are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of
all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able
to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most
ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive
under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to
taste the Bed Mouse!
King of the Hill:
This game must be played with at least one other cat. The
more, the merrier! One or both of the sleeping humans is
Hill 303 which must be defended at all costs from the other
cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development
of unusual tactics as one must take the unstable playing
theater into account.
Warning: Playing either of these games to excess will
result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from the
bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately
begin purring and cuddle up to them. This should buy
you some time until they fall asleep again. If one
happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat
wins the round of King of the Hill.
Toys:
Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to
confiscate it, this means that it is a good toy. Run with it
under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you
and takes it away. Always watch where it is put so you can steal
it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and
wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys.
Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be
hidden so that the other cat(s) or humans can't play with
them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on
uncarpeted floors.
Dangly and/or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords,
gold chains, and dental floss (& Q-tips) also make
excellent toys. They are favorites of humans who like to
drag them across the floor for us to pounce on.
When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it
magically becomes the Paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed
at all costs. Take care, though. Humans are sneaky and will
try to make you lose your dignity.
Paper Bags:
Within paper bags dwell the bag mice. They are small and
camouflaged to be the same color as the bag, so they are hard to
see. But you can easily hear the crinkling noises they make as
they scurry around the bag. Anything, up to and including
shredding the bag, can be done to kill them. Note: any other cat
you may find in a bag hunting for bag mice is fair game for a
sneak attack, which will usually result in a great Tagmatch.
Food:
In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat
must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half
is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food:
convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed
now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are guidelines
for getting fed.
When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of
your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.
Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some
from the table. Never drink from your own water bowl if a
human's glass is full enough to drink from.
Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only
polite to attempt to get to know it. Be insistent. Your
food will usually not be so polite and try to leave.
Table scraps are delicacies with which the humans are
unfortunately unwilling to readily part. It is beneath the
dignity of a cat to beg outright for food as lower forms of
life such as dogs will, but several techniques exist for
ensuring that the humans don't forget you exist. These
include, but are not limited to: jumping onto the lap of
the "softest" human and purring loudly; lying down in the
doorway between the dining room and the kitchen, the
"direct stare", and twining around people's legs as they
sit and eat while meowing plaintively.
Sleeping:
As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing,
a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to
find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to
sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color. If
it's in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much
the better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have
the disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and
previous weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a
good compromise.
Scratching Posts:
It is advised that cats use any scratching post the humans may
provide. They are very protective of what they think is their
property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening
your claws on it. Being sneaky and doing it when they aren't
around won't help, as they are very observant. If you are an
outdoor kitty, trees are good. Sharpening your claws on a human
is not recommended.
Humans:
Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with
and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is
important to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that
they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need
to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and
are consistent.
LeAnn R. Ralph
